Not Quite Independent (Kids) — A Summer Survival Guide

On this day where we celebrate my birth nation’s independence, I am doing it alone with my two, not quite so independent kids. I have a girl 7 years old and a boy 9 years old. Both kids are near the age of independent play but still not quite there. As a parent we want our kids to be independent enough so we can get things done, especially when we have long stretches of time together like school vacations. Of course we don’t want them so independent that they don’t need us anymore… but that’s a conversation for 10 years from now.

This summer I find myself in a challenging situation. Both kids are home practically all summer and my family members that I have come to depend on, my ex and my mother, are both away all summer.

Honestly I don’t know how parents do it. The school year drives us crazy and then the summer leaves us in the lurch. I really don’t know how parents make it work. When I lived overseas I always felt that the reasons I didn’t want to return to the United States was the cost of quality childcare and the cost of healthcare. Both reasons make raising a family very challenging.

But here I am and I decided that I had to make it work this summer. Previously the kids got into the county’s summer camp led by parks & recreation, a very affordable program based on a lottery admission. The last two years they got in but not this year. Putting them both in adifferent camp full time was not an option. For a full day camp program is an average of $200 per week per child, or $1600 per month — insanity. At the same time, for the moment I am the primary breadwinner of the family so I have to work. I can’ just play and take the kids to different activities. So I devised a plan to help me survive this summer with the kids.

I can’t take credit for the plan in originality, I have pieced it together from a variety of things but mostly the incentives used in my kids elementary school. The key is leverage, i.e., bargaining power. My plan won’t work with a child under 5 because they need to be an age where they can understand the concept of consequence and appreciate a delayed reward.

So what I came up with is a combination of short term and long term rewards and a varied schedule. For the short term rewards I compiled a range of events that are inexpensive, family friendly and last 2 hours or less: $1 summer movies, afternoon bowling, and library events. The long term rewards are based on a point system. Each child earns 5 points per day. If they break the rules for things like non-listening, fighting, etc., they lose a point. If they do work above and beyond what is expected (read extra, clean up a mess they didn’t make, etc.) they earn an extra point.

• 10 points = $1
• points can be saved and redeemed towards prizes
• if they are good all week, ie., no points deducted, then they earn a bonus 10 points
• for good behavior they have the potential to earn 45 points per week, or a value of $4.50, and they can earn more if they want to work extra.

At first I picked out prizes for them. The highest value being $15 which takes them 3-4 weeks to earn. But now I let them pick their prizes. It makes going to a store so much easier because when they beg me for stuff I can tell them “Okay, but you have to earn it.” I even made play money with their faces on it that they can save and spend.

So how it really works it that the different events keep them busy and give them something to look forward to. There are no long stretches where they have to be good at home while I work. I squeeze in about 4-5 hours per day in 1-2 hour blocks in between events. Meanwhile, the point system is keeping them in check. At first I had to deduct points a lot but now it usually only takes a warning. The schedule keeps them busy and then I get them to bed early and work more at night.

Although I had envisioned they would redeem their points for more than just toys — bike rides, beach days and water park visits — even with just material rewards, I have discovered they are learning far more than I expected. They are learning:

• action and consequence
• delayed gratification
• the value of saving
• how much they really want something

It’s not all perfect of course, we have our good days and bad ones, but considering that I am self employed and taking care of two kids who are home almost all the time this summer, it is going surprisingly well, so well in fact, that I thought it was worth a share.

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Eliza Alys Young

Eliza Alys Young, aka CreativEliza, is a free spirit, world traveler, creative expert, and part of multicultural family… Eliza shares her time between the US, Dominican Republic and beyond. When she is not caring for her high-energy kids, writing her poetry or for her blog, creating art or cooking up a storm, she is designing for her own company, Design Intense.